I have been pondering about what I wanted to write for my first post of 2012. Did I want to go the obvious route and do a “New Years Resolutions” post, or did I want to stop blogging all together… I couldn’t decide. I think the first post I ever posted was in April of 2008, so on December 30, 2011 I decided I would shut down my blog. I never actually did it, and now here I am writing the post that prompted me to shut down my blog (won’t be doing that after all). I won’t be writing about New Years resolutions, but I do want to open up a bit of my heart and let those of you who read this know what I have been discovering and going through in the last years.
Before I started writing today I looked through all my previous posts and started to delete certain ones. I was embarrassed, and I saw a lot of negativity that I was not proud of. After deleting numerous posts I realized that I had grown since then. Not only had I grown, but I came out of what I now realize was a pretty dark place. I am quiet and I would also consider myself to be a pretty shy person and I realize how much easier it would have been for me had I admitted the feelings of depression and darkness to someone. I decided to write today to give God the Glory for the change in my life. There is no way that I would be where I am today without His intervention. As I mentioned earlier I suffered silently. I am sure those close to me and those around me sensed it, but it wasn’t something I opened up about. There are really no words that I can say other than words of thankfulness to The One that created me.
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
I remember so many nights where I would sit in bed and quote every verse that was dear to me, anything that would offer me hope for the next hour. God is true to His word, and I felt His strength more than ever during some of my darkest hours. I know that God was trying to teach me something, but at the time my lightbulb just would not turn on.
How did I come out of the darkness I felt? There isn’t a short way to write it, but I will try. I realized that as a born again believer in Christ that I could not base my life on my emotions. I needed to base my life on Gods truth and not my feelings. James 1:2-3 says:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
I think that James is not telling or commanding us to feel super joyful during these rough places, but rather to chose to think about your situation as a place where you can have joy. (I am not sure how to put into words what I mean)
Choosing to trust truth from God rather than my own feelings proved to require a lot of faith on my part, but God was my strength and I was able to give it to Him and learn to live by faith. A lot of people speak of faith as if it is some sort of vague hope that God will pull you through, but it is not like that at all. When I let go of my own pride and started to fully rely on God I finally saw the power He had. The power and strength I felt in Christ was unbelievable. It is not something I can comprehend. We really serve an awesome God.
I want to give God the glory for the healing He has done in my life. I hope that me sharing my experience can be an encouragement to you if this is something you struggle with, and I pray that this post will draw you to Christ or closer to Him, because that is the goal… to have more people turn to Christ in repentance.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.