I am a person that keeps a journal. I have stacks of journals that have pages filled with thoughts and feelings, and prayers dating back to when I was in first grade. I don’t journal every day, in fact, there are some spaces of 6 months to a year where my pen has not hit the paper. I am an introvert in most areas of my life, and my journal often ends up being my confidant. It is where I can be open and completely honest. My entries are often prayers to my Savior as I share my heart with Him.
Sometimes I look at others around me, and it looks like everyone is always at peace and there is never any major struggle in their walk with Christ. I get jealous, and I wonder why I feel like I’m always battling. Don’t get me wrong, I have a Saviour that supplies to me a peace which surpasses all understanding, but my ‘self’ is so strong, and so often I find myself spending a day in battle once again. The importance of taking up my cross daily is something that is taking me a lifetime to learn, but God is oh so gracious and longsuffering. On these days and moments of battle against the evil one I often struggle with doubts, thoughts, and feelings that I just couldn’t share with anyone. I mentioned before that there are times when my journal didn’t see my pen for months at a time or spurts where there is a word here and there. When I consider those blank times I can trace them to times where I was hurting, confused, and doubtful. Times where my spiritual life was struggling.
When there are things you can’t put into words, things inside that don’t even make words to put into a journal, or when the person that you used to tell everything to is no longer around, Jesus is there. In 2 Kings 20:5 God tells King Hezekiah “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears”.
“Return and tell Hezekiah the leader of My people, ‘Thus says the Lord, the God of David your father: “I have heard your prayer, I have seen your tears; surely I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the Lord.2 Kings 20:5 NKJV
Tears are words to Him, and He hears your sadness and joy even when you can’t say anything. When you, the wife, mother, single woman, or servant of God have questions that you don’t know how to ask, He is there. If you have doubts that you are afraid to voice, He is there.
To have a friend that is in your heart is a priceless treasure. And while I love those around me, there are some things I just can’t tell them, but I can tell Him, and that, my friends, is the source of my joy!